Don't Take It For Granted
by KHighness
Summary: He was born to be a father, but all his chances kept slipping through his fingers with choices made by others. Finally, he was getting the long awaited chance to be the father he never thought he'd be blessed enough to be…but there's something he didn't know that could've ended it before he'd known it was happening. A JaSam one shot with the product of their love.


"Daddy, I don't feel good."

Jason looked up from the phone in his hand to find Danny had emerged from his room, dragging lethargically to a stop before him, where he was seated on the sofa. His little cheeks appeared flushed and he felt warm to the touch when Jason rested his fingers to test his forehead.

"What's the matter little man? You do feel a bit warm…where does it hurt?"

"I don't know." He scratched the back of his neck mid-shrug, "Can I call Mommy?"

It was their night at his new place, where Danny thankfully seemed to enjoy spending time and had a sleepover twice a week since he moved in, giving them the much needed chance to get to know each other.

"Mommy's with Scout at her place, probably asleep by now. We men can take care of this, right?" When Danny reluctantly nodded, Jason got up to gently lead him by the arm back towards his room. "C'mon - let's take your temperature and get you some water."

He'd just gotten Danny back down and was pulling up the door to his room when the phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Sam! Everything okay?"

"That's what I was going to ask you." She snickered self-consciously. "I know you have this covered - you've always been a kidpiper…but I had the strangest urge to give you boys a call. What are y'all up to?"

Changing positions on the bed, Sam rolled to her side facing the window, tucking the phone between the pillow and her head as her eyes closed slowly. Sleep was pulling her in but even though she'd already talked to Danny and sent kisses over the phone, something had urged her to call them again.

Jason smiled, picturing her in bed, the sleepiness in her voice reminding him of when he occupied that spot next to her, echoing the longing that had taken up residence in him ever since he got back to find she wasn't his anymore. Someone else had kept that spot warm…until recently. He may have lost her as his wife but she would always be the mother of his child, the way fate and he, always intended…and that other thing always worked its way out to get them back where they belonged.

"Twice in one night?" The easy smile that turned his lips always seemed to follow the sound of her name, the thought of her face, her body, her touch. "Admit it - you don't think I can handle this!"

With her eyes closed, Sam weighed the words, smiling at how very wrong they were. "You were born to do this, Jason. I don't know a kid alive who isn't the safest he could ever be with you."

"So you just think I'm out of practice, is that it?"

"Some people are just naturals - years of inactivity doesn't change that. I just…I don't know - you guys entered my mind and next thing I know the phone's in my hand."

Jason returned to the seat he'd vacated earlier on the sofa. "Oh, you just needed to hear my voice before you could sleep. You can say it, McCall - you're finding it hard to sleep without me."

"You wish, Morgan." She'd never tell him how she switched sides constantly to keep the bed warm, or how her mind continued to conjure images of nights she'd spent there lonely, missing him, touching his pillow before she slept, praying he would one day make his way back home to them. She'd never admit to longing each night that he was back, in every single way.

"I do!" The soft response silenced them both momentarily, as Jason longed to be laying next to her, kicking himself for the millionth time for ever losing that privilege or taking it for granted.

Restless, Sam rolled to her back and cleared her throat in a motion to also clear the longing. "So how is he? Asleep at this hour, I hope?"

He knew she was just as affected by their connection and its screams to be returned to normal, but he would never push her, no matter how much his heart and his loins longed for him to.

"He just went back down - woke up earlier feeling a little warm, but he's okay."

Sam's eyes flew open as her throat constricted with the sudden thumping of her heart. "Did you check his temperature? Did he have a fever?"

"Just a slight one. I gave him a children's Tylenol and he went back to bed…he's alright."

"Does he have a rash, Jason?"

"A rash?" Thinking back to when Danny was standing before him at the sofa, Jason recalled him scratching his neck. "I didn't see one but…"

She was sitting up in bed now, fully alert. "But?"

"Well…he got his pjs on by himself so I didn't notice anything…but he was scratching his neck earlier. Why are you asking about a rash?" It was an odd question and the panic slowly building in her voice put him on edge.

"Jason, I need you to go check."

"He's back in bed, Sam - he was drifting off when I left him. He's fine, I promise!"

Normally, an assurance from Jason Morgan was worth its weight in gold to her that she could take to the bank. But Jason didn't know…and this one she would trust with nobody. Scooting to the foot of the bed, Sam got to her feet and started making her way to Scout's room.

"Check Jason, please! Check his arms and his legs too - I'm coming over!"

She was probably overreacting. Jason could take care of Danny for one night - she knew he was more than capable. But once that seed had been planted, she also knew she wouldn't sleep a wink unless she saw her baby for herself. Hating to wake Scout from a deep sleep, Sam lifted her from the crib and cradled her closely against her yoga pants and tee clad body, moving gingerly so she wouldn't disturb her dreaming. Minutes later, she was tucked safely in her carseat, snug beneath her blanket, as her worried mother backed the car from the garage and headed to the new apartments near the MetroCourt.

Ten minutes later, she was knocking at his door with her sleeping daughter bundled in her arms, walking through the minute he opened to her first knock.

"You really came out! Sam, he's fine - I swear!" Closing the door behind her, Jason hurried to assure the worry he could see all over her face when she faced him again.

"Did you check? Did you see a rash?"

"There's a little bit of redness where he was scratching his neck but…"

"Oh, God!"

Handing a still sleeping Scout over to Jason, Sam swung towards Danny's room with him calling after her.

"Sam, what's the matter?"

But she was already in the room, nearing the bed where her babyboy laid peacefully asleep, his tiny, angelic face relaxed in slumber atop his Star Wars pillow. Taking a seat on the bed gingerly, Sam brushed his forehead with her lips, her heart racing again when it felt warm to her touch. Deftly easing the matching Star Wars sheets down, she allowed her eyes to roam his exposed arms, then lifted his shirt to breath a little easier at no marks on his torso either.

"Mommy?"

"Hi baby! Sorry to wake you - does it itch anywhere?"

He rubbed one eye and yawned. "My leg itches, and my neck. Do we have to go to the hospital now?"

"It depends. How do you feel?" Sam rolled one leg of his pj up to bare the skin beneath, then inclined her head to see the irritated red area where he'd been scratching. They'd made the run several times before, at the first sign of anything out of the ordinary, so Danny knew the drill.

"Not so good."

"Okay, Buddy." She glanced over to where Jason had followed her into the room with Scout nestled to his chest, watching them curiously from the open door. "Let's go see your Pediatrician so he can tell us everything's okay, how's that sound?"

"Okay, Mommy."

"Sam, what's going on?"

Jason couldn't understand the overreaction. He knew Sam had always worried she wouldn't be any good as a mother but he'd always known differently. He'd known from the moment she ran to protect her unborn baby that she would be the very best mother, and he'd been proven right when he saw how much she adored baby Hope, treasured her little sisters, would've done anything for Michael, left their home to protect an unborn Danny when he had doubts, and he'd seen it live and in full force since his return to find her the mother of two. Sam would die for her kids - he'd always known that - but her reaction to a childhood illness seemed disproportionate. Watching as she got Danny dressed, he could see dread dripping off her and he knew he was missing something. Something important.

"Sam?"

"I'll tell you in the car - let's go." She was already leading Danny from the room, hugging him to her side as they made their way to the front door. "I'll drop you off with Scout back home - can you put her back to bed for me? I won't be long…"

"I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to. The doctor is going to tell me it's nothing, and we'll come right back."

He was following her out the door of the apartment, listening to the discernible tremble in her voice that told him she didn't fully believe, but hoped for that outcome.

"I'm coming!"

They got to her car and Jason strapped Scout in her carseat as Sam did the same with Danny in the backseat. He was already moving to the driver's side when she closed the back door, almost expecting her to argue when he got in and adjusted her seat, but she got quietly in the passenger's seat and looked back at Danny, who had his head rested against Scout's seat, eyes closed.

Feeling the anxiety that washed her, Jason took a quick glance in the rearview then back to the road.

"He's fine, Sam."

She sighed and turned back to face front. "I know…I just like to be sure, that's all."

"That's not all. You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Not while you're driving."

"It's that bad?"

She fell silent, suddenly unsure how to brooch the subject of Danny's illness. So much had happened during the time Jason was gone that she knew it would take years to catch him up on it all, but Danny being deadly ill should have already been covered - especially with symptoms that needed to be taken seriously - symptoms that could arise while Danny was in his care…like tonight.

"We'll talk about it all…I'll tell you everything."

"You usually do." The soft whisper was truth. For someone who'd made a career and a life off lies and deceit before they met, Sam had always been brutally truthful with him - from the start. He'd been the paragon of truth and justice, yet when it boiled down to it, he had been the one to tell the monumental lies that crippled their relationship.

The emergency room was bustling when they arrived, but thankfully the Pediatrician wasn't needed for the stabbing victim or the man with the bone stuck in his throat, so Epiphany paged him the moment she looked up from the screen to see the Morgans before her with two sleeping kids in hand.

"Dr. Wu will be right down. Does he have a rash?"

Jason's head raised in alert at the question, his eyes meeting Epiphany as she looked from him holding Danny in his arms over to Sam, who's voice cracked with her response, starting a slow dread in his gut.

"Yes, he's been scratching his neck and there's one on his left leg too."

"It's probably nothing - you know that. Kids circulate germs among themselves…little incubators, they are. He probably just picked up something at school…we'll get him back to normal in no time."

"Thanks, Epiphany!"

"Come with me - I'll get you settled in your usual room."

They followed her down the hall to the room with the blue wallpaper and yellow ducks bopping up and down a stream, where she left them with an encouraging nod as Sam rested Scout's carrier on the bed and Jason whispered a query, still holding Danny in his arms.

" _Usual_ room?"

Nodding, Sam looked around the place her family had spent far too much time.

"Unfortunately, both Danny and Scout have spent more time in here than they should."

"Okay, Sam tell me what's going on? Why are we here?"

They were interrupted when the doctor entered the room and smiled in greeting.

"Hi, Sam." He looked from Scout on the bed to Danny in Jason's arms, then to the iPad in his hands. "Danny?"

"Hi Dr. Wu. He has a fever and red, itchy marks on his body…can you…"

"Yes, of course. Let's have a look." He eyed Jason as Sam moved Scout's carrier and Jason laid Danny down on the bed. "I don't believe we've met."

"Oh, I'm sorry - that's right…Dr. Wu, this is Jason Morgan."

"Ah - Danny's father! Hello."

With a curt nod of his head, Jason moved aside to allow the doctor access to the bed's occupant, who was now awake again.

"Hello Danny. Your mommy tells me you don't feel so great tonight - does it hurt anywhere?"

When he shook his head, the doctor smiled. "Good. Where does it itch - show me."

Jason watched as Dr. Wu completed his exam, his eyes darting between Danny and Sam, who had rested Scout's carrier on the counter next to her, one arm strung out across it as she anxiously watched the bed. There was something everybody was aware of but nobody was telling him about, and it was important enough for Sam to drag Danny out to the hospital in the middle of the night, for Epiphany to consider her worry warranted, and for the doctor to inspect every inch of his body carefully. What was wrong with his son?

Sam couldn't be still. She watched Dr. Wu as he asked Danny questions and examined the marks on his body, nervous tension within her growing with the possibility of what it could mean for her little boy. Looking over to Jason, she felt bad for his growing confusion but it really would have to wait a few more minutes.

"Okay, parents…I'm going to order some labs to rule out what I know you're undoubtably thinking - which is why you're here, of course - and we'll take it from there. The marks look like mosquito bites, which can be extremely itchy - but we will test everything to make sure, okay?"

"Thank you, Dr. Wu." Sam moved Scout's carrier back to the bed and rested it next to Danny. "Hi, baby." She ran a hand through his curly mess of blonde. "You okay?" When he nodded and closed sleepy eyes, she cooed softly, "Go to sleep, baby. I'm right here. Daddy and I are right here."

Jason loved the sound of that. For so long he'd wanted to share a child with Sam. For so long it had been kept so far out of his reach. But not anymore. He'd never been much for dreaming, but the reality of sharing a child together was far more than any dream could be.

When the nurse came to take samples, Sam joined Jason in a corner of the room, his silent demeanor and protective stance cloaking them in every way.

"You deserve answers."

"We can talk later, if you want."

"No. You deserve to know and I've been putting stuff off because everything is so up in the air…we've faced one thing after the next since you've been back…there just hasn't been time."

"I understand, Sam. I know you've been going through alot."

"But so have you, Jason. You broke out of captivity, where someone held you prisoner for five years…thinking it's only been months, only to come back and find that nothing is the way you left it! That's got to be painful, and I haven't exactly been sensitive to that pain."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I owe you everything."

"No, you don't. You are the one who's done the heavy lifting. You have this remarkable strength in you that surfaces again and again to get you through some of the most crippling pain known to anyone, and I don't know where you even get it from."

"You've been around for alot of it, Jason…and what got me through was you."

"You didn't really need me for what I was there for."

"I always need you." Their eyes connected for a charged moment when the world got quiet and their hearts conversed. Sam looked over at Danny, then back to Jason. "After you…a few months after what happened to you, Danny developed a rash that I thought was nothing major. I showed it to his doctor and he agreed with me so I thought nothing much of it…until one day this other doctor noticed it in passing and said I needed to get it looked at right away. When I told him I'd had it checked and it proved to be nothing, he insisted that I have Danny tested for…" she paused, looking at alert eyes that were about to shift when she told him what she needed to, "…Leukemia."

Jason's eyes widened in shock, his heart hurting with the instant stab to its core. _"Wait…"_ He felt the instant speeding of his pulse that sent a throbbing to his temple, "…Sam, it sounded like you said…"

"Cancer!" She bit her lip when the word rose the usual dread its name commanded, the recollecting of her baby's struggles through that awful time making her pulse thready.

Peeling his eyes to wander over to his babyboy, Jason watched him where he laid in innocence and light, the nurse next to him covering his red marks with itching cream.

"Danny has cancer?"

It couldn't be true! His sweet little angel didn't have that humongous, ugly, defiling disease…his innocent, harmless little boy!

 _"_ _Had_ \- thank God!" Sam brought both arms to push the hair back from her face and release a huge breath before allowing her arms to fall again. "He's in remission…after a transplant, courtesy of Julian."

He couldn't believe his ears. Five years! He remembered being rooted to the floor the first time he saw Danny after he got back…the boy he'd left as a tiny baby, the last picture frozen in his mind of a toddler tucked safely in his mother's arms in their bedroom, where he'd left them that night - that one last look he got from the doorway when his wife had called his name and he turned to wave what he had no idea was a last goodbye. What he'd planned on making five minutes, had turned into five years away from them…five years during which his son had gotten deathly ill and his wife had to face it without his support. The son that he'd wanted more than anything - fought a life-threatening illness without him there to see him through. What else had they been forced to endure alone?

"Surgery?"

When she nodded, Jason felt his legs weaken and his body sag back to the counter for support, feeling drained of every ounce of strength it needed to be kept upright. _What?_

Laying eyes upon Danny walking into Sam's hospital room that first time had floored him with awe at how big their son had gotten. Right away Danny had wanted to know who he was and though he'd had the sense to introduce himself as mommy's friend, his heart had leapt with the joyous ring of being his father. Then when Sam told him he was biologically as well, it had capped what was already the most elatious feeling he'd ever had. Though the words had pleased his heart, in his soul they had little effect, given he already loved his son wholeheartedly, irregardless of DNA. But his son almost died! That beautiful little boy who walked into that room and shone light into his heart and his eyes at first sight, had been at risk?

Watching him, Sam knew exactly what he was feeling. So often, people wrote Jason Morgan off as stony and cold, but she'd always known it was the complete opposite. He felt things so strongly that she often feared they would consume him…and now was no different. Physical threats to his family and those he loved he could fight like nobody else…but this…this was something he had absolutely no power over, could do nothing to prevent or solve…and it was killing him. No brute strength, no might, no guns or fortunes, could be wielded against the body's most deadly diseases if fate decides you're going down.

"You're here now, Jason. We fought when you couldn't, and Danny made it through. We all made it through…and we're here now."

He looked to the remarkable woman whom he'd been smart enough to align his life with, then foolish enough to let go. Tragic lovers - that's what her sister Molly called them once…tragic lovers, destined for heartbreak. Seemed right, based on the never ending stream of tragedies that'd bombarded their lives again and again.

But he couldn't fall apart. He couldn't give in to the rage and the sadness filling him up at an enemy he couldn't touch. Cancer had no physical form his guns could blast, and in the meantime his son laid in the bed asleep, and his soulmate stood at his side being strong for their babyboy. They needed him in the way he should've always been there.

Reaching for her in what felt natural and instinctive, Jason drew her into arms that encased her lovingly, squeezing her close to feel the strength in his body he was willing her to take, tighter still when trembling told him she accepted and would lean on him where hers failed. He held her so tight that nothing could pass between them, willing the force and feel of his body to relay to her that he was home and ready to take it all. Words were never necessary between them and now, after years and oceans and armies apart, it remained very much the same. But there was much to say too.

"You were here, you know."

He wouldn't let her when she tried to ease back, holding her steadfast in his arms like a drowning man to a boulder, the feel of her where she should never have left, so perfect he couldn't bare to even ease up, so he just held on, and whispered in her fragrant hair.

"Where?"

"With Danny and me…when he was sick." A brief silence followed as they both pictured him physically absent but spiritually present. "I would talk to you all the time and I asked you to look out for our son, to help him through it…and you did. As lonely and sad and beaten as I felt at times at your loss, I never felt like you'd left us alone…your presence was with us all the time, Jason. I could feel you so strongly sometimes it was like you physically entered a room and took my hand." She squeezed his middle tighter where her arms met, and mumbled into his strong chest, "But I missed this! I missed you holding me like this."

When his eyes misted at the words his heart had been bleeding to hear, Jason buried his face into her neck and pulled her closer still. He wanted to infuse her body inside his own, breathing in the sweet smell of her to permeate every pore of him, missing her more than she ever knew, wanting her more than he could ever relay, loving her more than the air his body needed to survive. What she gave him was more than he'd ever be able to put into words, but he would let his actions scream it with every deed and every minute he would live for them from that one on.

"I love you, Sam! I love you and Danny more than you'll ever know…and I never left you for a single solitary second!"

They had no idea how much time had passed while they held each other breaking apart only when the doctor reentered and cleared his throat.

"Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, the first labs are back and those are definitely mosquito bites - nothing to worry about there. The Calamy lotion will take care of it and the itching will go away soon."

Jason took a step forward, one arm still holding Sam protectively as she watched where Danny still slept soundly.

"Don't those things carry the Z virus and malaria, and a host of other diseases?"

"Yes, you do need to be careful of mosquito bites, we've seen increasing cases of illnesses caused by mosquitos, but in Danny's case, the itching will be the worst of it."

Sam wasn't completely convinced but she remained hopeful. "You're sure? What about the other labs…you said the first?"

"Yes, I'm still waiting on Danny's cell count. He just underwent his routine check last month and everything was normal, so I'm not alarmed. As soon as I get the CBC results back I'll come find you."

Jason looked at the doctor curiously, "CBC?"

It was Sam who answered, "Complete Blood Count. They're checking his for any variation in the number of cells his blood produces. Too few or too many, are not good signs."

The doctor nodded and left them again, and Sam checked on Scout who was still sleeping in her carrier.

"She should really be in bed." She tucked the blanket around her tiny arms carefully.

Jason smiled at the picture of mother and baby, loving the way she was with her kids.

"You'll take her home soon. As soon as they clear Danny, I'll drive you all home so you can get some rest."

Sam looked up to the man she'd spent so much of her adult life loving, remembering it was with good reasons. "Thank you, Jason. Thanks for being here with me."

"Where else would I be? I'm sorry I didn't realize…I'd have brought Danny here sooner if I knew…"

"It's my fault - I should've told you months ago. I should've been catching you up on things you've missed."

"You had your life to live, Sam. It's my own fault that it wasn't with me anymore."

"I don't blame you, you know."

"You should! I brought you and Danny home because I wanted to share my life with you. I wanted to be his father and your husband - that was the whole point of me asking you to come home. I had no business leaving you before you'd even had a chance to settle back in, where you belong - no matter who, no matter what! I shouldn't have left!"

"I encouraged you to, remember? Jason, your life never needs to stop just because I want to be a part of it. I know who you are, and who you are is at the heart of why I love you, don't you get that yet? You don't have to change a single thing because you are perfect as is!"

Her complete acceptance of him had always lived at the core of why he loved her so completely. Nobody ever made him feel like he didn't need to be something more to be with them…not til her! She said as much from the start, and it never changed in all the years she'd loved him.

"I do want to change some things though, Sam. I've often forgotten to take care of the number one person who's held me down day in and day out, without complaint…I've often neglected to love you right. I don't want to do that anymore. You mean everything! I forgot to let you know that…but I never will again."

A charged silence grabbed them again, locking their eyes on each other as they stood at the counter with Scout between them, lost in the promises they both wanted to make. She loved him. She'd always and forever love him in her soul, where he'd taken up residence years before and never left.

He loved her. Deep inside him where nobody existed but the tiny vixen with the big aura that moved in years ago and had owned every single part of him since. Jason beamed when he recalled the doctor calling her Mrs. Morgan. He'd make her that again. As God was his witness, he would make her that again, and forever this time.

"I didn't mean to shut you out…but Drew…he's been good to me, Jason. He loved me. I couldn't hurt him like that."

"I know."

"But I hurt you." Her voice softened when she thought about the need she felt to block him out so she could breathe. "In loving him like he deserved, I hurt you, like you didn't."

"It was complicated - I get it."

"So complicated!" That was an understatement to what they'd all just lived through. "But it's no excuse. I should've been more sensitive to what you'd been through. I'm sorry."

"Sam, I get it - I promise. I know you. Just like you know me. I know you saw that Sonny and Carly, Spinelli…everybody locked circles around me and welcomed me home, so you knew I was alright. You knew I could handle it…I saw that. You felt you needed to protect him when everybody left him - I get it."

She nodded and sputtered as a sudden teary moment washed over her. "Of course you do. You understand me better than anybody."

"I do. I'm glad he treated you well - means I won't have to kick his ass." He smiled when the desired result of her laughter was achieved. "Seriously, I know you wouldn't just leave him and run to me…it's not who you are."

"Neither is ignoring everything you've gone through. I don't know how I could've done that."

"It was a weird situation. If I hadn't lived it I wouldn't have believed it myself. I had a twin out there and never had a single clue - how does that happen?"

"You're alot alike you know. You're good, honest, loyal men who would die for the people you love. That's what's made this all so hard. I wanted to welcome you home like you deserved, let you know how happy I am that you're alive and back…but he needed me."

"He doesn't anymore?"

"He's stronger now." She thought of the man she thought was going to be her forever. "I'll always love him and want the best for him. I want him to remember his life - he deserves to know who he is and what else he cared about - I want that for him. I want him to be happy and fulfilled, living a life he loves…and honestly, it hurts that's not with me, it does…but I know in my heart that it can't be now. Now that I know he's not you...that you're here, alive, home again...a part of me would always be missing and longing for you, as much as I love him and loved every part of our life together. That's not fair to him."

He stood there in a special kind of hell, hating to hear how deeply she loved somebody else, thinking about the time she spent with another man making her happy…but he also felt extreme relief to hear that it was over. He had a chance with her again.

"Will you be able to accept him with someone else?"

She thought about the honest answer to that question. "I think about the first few months he spent among us as Jake Doe…we became friends and one of the things that pulled me into helping him find out who he was, is how I felt when I thought you were still alive. There was no body, no definite answers to what had happened to you, and it left me in limbo hell. I wanted to find answers for him, and for any woman he'd left out there missing him the way I missed you…I realize it's the same now again. For all we know, the love of his life is somewhere out there, hurting at the loss of him…and he could remember her tomorrow. I want that for him…for him to remember who he is and what he truly wants."

"What if he remembers and decides that's still you?" _Shut up Morgan! When did you become so talkative? Are you trying to send her back to his arms, you damn fool!_

"I doubt that. When we told him who he was - back then - he was really confused…but he didn't exactly run to me. He didn't love me at first. We were friends and he sought me out alot…he was even attracted to me…but he didn't have an immediate longing for a life with me. Doesn't exactly scream soulmates."

"Then you should've known right then he wasn't me." He said it lightly, almost jokingly, but he meant it.

"Oh, come on, don't act like you haven't turned away from me too before."

"I've never fallen out of love with you."

"Not true. You fell in love with someone else after she gave you a child."

"But never out of love with you. Not then…not ever."

"Still…it was understandable how he felt…he was in love and ready to commit a lifetime to someone else…waking up as my husband on that day wasn't exactly his dream."

"Then he's a fool!"

"I'm just saying…he's going to be alright. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he wasn't - he's loved me in a way I've never had before…no offense. He gave up alot and chose our family without me asking him to…and I'd be lying if I said that did't move me beyond words. For all he knew, he was you…but he could walk away from that life because he wanted me to know I was first. That felt pretty damn special!"

His heart sank again. Somehow the conversation had gone from her undying love for him to something it was sounding she craved…something he couldn't promise.

"Are you saying that's what you need to make you happy?"

His words pulled her from the reverie she'd fallen into, remembering Drew choosing their family above all else. Turning to face him, Sam caught the hurt behind the electrifying blue eyes that owned her soul.

"No, I'm not saying that. It meant alot to me and I was all in with him, ready to make Aurora our family's legacy. I loved that he chose to put us first…I've thought about that before, you know that. When I was pregnant with Danny, we had a conversation before I went to New York to see Heather - remember? I was struggling with how much of a hold Sonny still had on our lives…but I soon remembered who we were and that you and I have always faced everything together, and it made us stronger. No kid is ever a hundred percent safe - we've seen danger find children tucked away in their beds at night…but you and I were always unstoppable together. No child of ours would ever be short on love or safety…and we don't need to work a nine to five to make that happen."

"But you would be happier if I didn't work with Sonny anymore?"

Taking a deep breath, Sam looked at Scout then over to where Danny slept, picturing the dream she'd always had of them with two kids of their own. They had come _so_ close!

"It felt good not having him be such a deciding factor in our lives anymore…he wasn't calling at all hours of the day and night, putting you in front of bullets all the time." Her voice trailed as her mind rewound the previous year, "Did he tell you that I shot him recently?"

"He didn't…but I heard."

Sam nodded as she studied his face for anger or resentment, a little surprised to find neither. "Yep. Your best friend…I shot him in the leg and kicked him into a pit and left him there. Crazy, huh?"

"I heard you were ill at the time, Sam."

"I was…and it gave me constant visions of Sonny taunting me about pulling you back in, reminding me that you would always choose loyalty to him first. I felt so strongly that I had to protect you, that I shot your best friend and left him to die."

"You didn't know what you were doing."

"I knew enough not to use one of our guns! I knew enough to buy something untraceable, to follow him from his house to an abandoned lot, and to leave him where nobody would look. I knew enough to get rid of the gun afterwards…I was sick, Jason…but obviously a part of me wanted you free too."

"What did you do with the gun afterwards?"

"I dropped it in a dumpster."

"Where?"

"At the site. There was a dumpster the construction crew were using - I just tossed it in and took off."

"See - that shows right there you were ill and not thinking straight."

"Why?"

"You just said it - you tossed the gun in a dumpster _at the scene._ Sam, you would never do something so careless if you were well. If you had been in your right mind, you would have taken the gun with you, broken it down and tossed the pieces in different locations around town…not leave it in the trash at the scene of the crime. The cops were bound to search it, and you would've known that."

"Listen, I felt terrible when I realized what I'd done and I'll always feel like shit about it, but it came from somewhere, Jason." She walked over to the window and looked down at the parking lot, seeing and not seeing. "When I lost you like that…something broke inside me. I never used to worry about you - not in that way. No matter what you did for Sonny, you always came home…and I guess I learned to take that for granted. We'd survived so much of what life threw at us that I never really thought of you ever losing…until you did. You _died_ …the reality of me having to live without you was happening, and I couldn't lay down and die too, the way I wanted to."

Moving to stand behind her, he eased his arms around her waist and pulled her back into him, resting his chin atop her head as he stared at the night with her. "I'm sorry."

"For the first time since we met, I had to live in a world without you in it. The only greater pain I'd ever felt, was losing my baby. I didn't want to go on without you…but I had to."

"I'm glad you did." He rocked her softly, listening to the pain he'd inflicted on the one woman he never wanted to hurt ever again.

"I think a part of me always blamed Sonny! The rational part of me knows you always chose for yourself…but I think there's always been some resentment that Bernie felt he needed to call _you_ that night, and not Sonny. He was the target…it was his business, his money…but Bernie knew _you_ were the one who would take care of it, not Sonny…like always. If part of me didn't blame him, I don't think my illness would've conjured him up trying to take you away from me like that. In my mind, he was the only threat to our happiness - to me losing you again, to our children losing their father...so he had to go. I was going to shoot him in the chest, I meant to…but he talked me down and lowered my arm…then the gun went off. I hadn't meant to shoot him then but after the bullet hit his leg, I thought, just finish it. He needed to die…so you could be free. So I kicked him into that open pit and just…walked away."

He shifted to let his cheek rest on her head as he rocked her still. "You were ill, baby. You didn't mean it."

"Not now, I don't. I would never knowingly hurt him - never! But the fact that I could do that at all…it didn't arise out of nowhere. I know that now."

He turned her body slowly so she faced him, then used a forefinger to lift her chin when her eyes wouldn't meet his, urging them to.

"Do you resent me working with Sonny?"

"I would never choose for you, Jason. I still want you to do what makes you happy - I will always want that."

"That's you."

"That's only part of it. Just like you're _part_ of what makes me happy."

"What's the rest?"

"My independence, the rush of solving a case, of being a mom and a sister, a daughter and a friend. All this crap about not knowing who I am or what I want is just that - crap."

She stepped to the side of him and threw her hands up in annoyance. "I didn't need to go to Switzerland or any place else to figure out who I am! I'm Sam McCall - a mother who adores her children and a PI who's good at her job! I have a family who stays in my corner and people who care about me…I'm not lost! Loving two men who've been good to me and for me, don't make me lose myself! What the hell have I been running around in all this confusion for? What I'm doing now is what I should've done in the first place since you got back…given myself space, and taken the time to put things in their proper perspective!"

She was pacing the room, rambling in that adorable way that made him watch in awe, and he loved, loved, LOVED the woman before him! Strong, confident, loyal, fierce…a whole lot of might packed in one tiny, lustful package!

"I broke when I lost you but I put myself back together. Then when I thought Drew was you and we decided to get to know each other again, I fell in love with things about him that I had always seen in you. But there were other things too, things that I thought were an added bonus to what I loved about you, things I now know were aspects of _him_. Good things, that any woman will be lucky to have. He loved us and he let it show! He loved Sonny and Carly and their kids and he looked out for them like you always did…but he never let it override what he needed to do for our family. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love that."

"You think I put them before you?"

"No. I'm not saying you do…but I would never ask you to choose either. I think I was just floored that he did it without me asking - it was his choice. Just like spreading yourself to cover all of us equally, is yours."

"So you do - you do think I put them before you!"

"You've put me first plenty of times, Jason…you chose to look for me that time Manny kidnapped me, even though Sonny needed you."

"That was a long time ago. If you can't think of a more recent time that I put you first, I'm really not doing such a good job!"

"When we got engaged, you told Carly you needed to put me first. That counts too."

"Words. I meant them, but those were words...and if I remember correctly, I turned around and left in the middle of choosing our wedding date, because Carly burst in, crying for me to find Joslyn! Not much for backing up those words, right after I said them."

"Okay, I'll give you that one…but when you woke up and wanted to leave the hospital to continue the search, you stayed when I threatened to leave you if you endangered your life so heedlessly. You chose to stay in that bed and let your brain heal, even though it was killing you to not run to Carly's, and later Sonny's, rescue, because I asked you to."

"You asked, though." His voice fell to a whisper when he remembered her saying a minute before how Drew made the choice without her asking. "I made you have to ask."

"True, but what you're missing is that before, you would have gone whether or not I asked - seizures and blackouts be damned. Like when you decided to go to prison for Sonny…I asked you to stay and you still went to Claire to offer yourself in his place. You have this need to protect everybody you love, Jason - not just me - and much as it drives me crazy when you spread yourself way too thin to do it - I happen to also love that about you."

He knew she did. But he knew what he heard too…she loved everything about Drew…including him choosing her when she didn't ask. Realizing how much that hurt, Jason also noted that for the first time, he had serious competition for the woman he loved! Even when she hated him in the past for what his lies did to their relationship, he'd always known nobody would ever reach her on the level that he had, and it had always given him certain bragging rights to her heart. This was the first time he ever felt in danger of losing that privileged place he cherished so very much, and it scared the hell out of him.

"I don't want to lose the progress we've made, Sam but I don't want to turn my back on Carly and Sonny. Michael is a grown man now," he paused in marvel at that fact, "but he still needs someone in his corner. I can't leave them."

"I don't want you to. Look, even though Drew clearly put our needs above theirs, he never turned his back on them. When you came back and he thought you were someone setting Sonny up to hurt him, he went right into enforcer mode, leading the charge to the meet at the bridge, refusing to let Sonny go alone...even though he'd chosen a different path for us. He made himself available for Carly, just not at her every whim and fancy, in deference to us. That was his way of handling things…you have yours. One is not better than the other, Jason - just different."

"But his way made you feel more special. Like he loved you enough to walk away…"

"You do too! I just would never ask you to."

Thinking about it, he realized she was absolutely right! There's nothing on the planet he wouldn't do for Sam and his kids, including giving them a life clear of the mob if that's what they needed to make them happy. Yes, he'd made promises to Sonny and Carly and he owed them for everything they'd brought to his life, including Sam…but he didn't owe them his _entire_ life, and if what Sam and his children needed was for him to walk away…he could. In a heartbeat! But the thing he'd always had in Sam is that she would never ask him to make that choice, and Jason realized surprisingly, that he probably took that for granted too. Suddenly ashamed at how much he'd taken her for granted in all the years she'd given him, he marveled that after all of it, she was still there! Still loving him in the fiercest way he'd ever known! Still willing to give him even more!

Jason looked over to where his son lay sleeping, and his heart brimmed over, loving the little creature so much it threatened to explode. Whatever they needed of him is what he would do - and no more waiting for them to ask either. It was time for him to stop _saying,_ and got around to _giving,_ his family everything.

"We're looking good!" Dr. Wu reentered the room and waved his iPad to the parents who approached him at the foot of Danny's bed. "Everything looks good."

"Really?" Sam wanted to feel relieved, but the pent up apprehension was always there, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "He's okay? What about the fever?"

"Just a run of the mill, low grade fever from the flu working its way through his system. It already broke, thanks to the Tylenol you thought to administer at home, and you'll need to keep him hydrated with lots of fluids over the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours, but he'll be just fine. He's probably going to feel lousy for the next day or so, but nothing some of mom's chicken soup can't manage."

Jason was so relieved he could burst…but he couldn't resist. "You haven't tasted her chicken soup!" He paid for the jab when her hand slammed back into his gut to send him bending over.

Dr Wu smiled at the playfulness of a young couple in love. "That's okay…it has more to do with the love and devotion Mom puts into making it than any actual medicinal properties of the soup itself."

"So we can take him home?"

Dr. Wu nodded at Sam. "Yes, take your little boy home - I'm sure he'll appreciate sleeping in his own bed. You can pick up his prescription on your way out. Just some more baby Tylenol for the fever if it returns, and vitamins to help strengthen his immune system. Do you have any questions for me?"

Sam looked back at Jason, who was turned around watching their son still sleeping, his baby sister in her carrier doing the same. "No, we're good. Thank you, Dr. Wu."

"My pleasure - hope not to see you again anytime soon." He smiled then made his way from the room.

"You and me both!" Using an open hand to rub his back, Sam stepped around Jason and reached for Scout. "You heard the man - get our baby - let's go!"

Not needing to be told twice, he scooped Danny into his arms and hoisted him to his shoulder, where his tiny arms circled his neck.

"Are we going home now, Daddy?"

Thrilled everytime his little boy called him that, Jason smiled and turned his head so he could drop a kiss on the side of his before following Sam to the nurses station.

"Yes, Buddy…we're going home." He smiled again when he felt Danny's body sag as he relaxed back into sleep on his shoulder, where Jason reached up to rub his little head. "We're going home."

They left the hospital and drove most of the way in a comfortable silence, the kids asleep in the back and mom and dad lost in their own thoughts. Reaching across the console to take her hand gently, Jason brought it to his lips and kissed her fingers softly, resting them there before he spoke.

"There's a whole lot we need to talk about, isn't there?"

"That's not really your thing, Jason."

"No, but I was gone for five years, Sam. Time stopped for me, and I don't know alot about what happened to me during those years…but it didn't stop for you and Danny. I want to hear about your lives. I want to know _everything_ I missed about my son and my wife."

She'd been thinking a lot about what it was like for him every day, seeing the people he left behind and how different everything was with them. Those he left as children were now young adults, babies like Danny were now in school, his grandfather had died and his aunt had left for good, his home was no longer his and the business had changed…everything was so different. He'd fallen right into place, moving along with the pace already set by people who'd continued living their lives in his absence, but she knew it wasn't nearly as easy as he let it seem. He had to be reeling inside from everything he'd lost.

"Okay." She leaned across the console to where their hands were still joined and kissed where his lips had just been. "We'll put these two to bed, I'll make us some eggs, and we'll talk."

Smiling, he turned the car into the parking garage and quipped, _"I'll_ make us some eggs," smiling wider when she snapped her hand from his and used it to swipe him in the ribs. "Ouch! I'm just saying…you're exhausted - you've had a long day - that's all."

"Huh-huh!"

She was smiling the whole ride up the elevator, holding Scout, while Jason carried Danny, feeling the strangest feeling of everything falling into place where they were meant to be again. They had alot to work through and huge decisions to make, but Sam knew in her heart that the really big ones had already been made for them both, landing them back into roles they were always meant to play in each other's lives, moving towards the destiny they were always written to be, one along the path to the other. They would work it out. It's what they do…it's who they were…it's all they both ever wanted to be. Jason and Sam. Forever.


End file.
